Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list

I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.

At the Christmas party, the secretary with the long red hair ate three pickles, and four salesmen panicked.

I bought my kid an educational toy to help him make it through life. No matter how you put it together, it's wrong.

I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.

You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.

Our local department store had two Santas - one for regular kids and one for kids who wanted ten toys or less.