Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list

I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.

A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!

I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair.

She wanted an Italian sports car - with the sport still in it.

It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.