Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?

When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was my kid for one day!"

At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.

Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.

I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, "It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift."