For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.

Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.

Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.

I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?

I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.

This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"