If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.

My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you're using it?

They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?

I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair.

A thing of beauty is a job forever.

I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.