If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.

My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.

They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost.

Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.

My son gave me a nice bottle of cologne - Eau de Owe.

My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.