They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.

Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together

Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?

This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!

What an orchestra! They just sit there, but their minds are thousands of miles away with their bookies.

My son gave me a nice bottle of cologne - Eau de Owe.