They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.

Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce.

I wanted to get the guy who works next to me in the office something he really wants, but how do you wrap up a saloon?

It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife.