Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce.

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife.

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.

Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?

My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.

A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!

Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.