Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce.

I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.

Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?

They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.

I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.

My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.