If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair.
This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"
My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.