If you hire relatives, you'll have a payroll that won't quit.

This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"

I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.

I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost.

For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.

Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it's the kids who have to do all the work.

Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list