On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.

I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.

Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering.

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.

If you hire relatives, you'll have a payroll that won't quit.

Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?

I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.