On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay.

My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.

In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.