Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"

She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.

I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.

A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!