Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?

I wanted to get the guy who works next to me in the office something he really wants, but how do you wrap up a saloon?

They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

My brother applied for work, but was told by the company that it had more employees than it needed. My brother said, "Don't worry. The little bit of work I do won't be noticed !!!"

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost.

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.