We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it's the kids who have to do all the work.

My brother applied for work, but was told by the company that it had more employees than it needed. My brother said, "Don't worry. The little bit of work I do won't be noticed !!!"

At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.

Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.

For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.

My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?