We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself.

My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.

I bought my kid an educational toy to help him make it through life. No matter how you put it together, it's wrong.

I really doubt whether evolution ever works, how then come Mothers have only two hands