An adult western is where the hero still kisses his horse at the end, only now he worries about it.

Most attorneys practice law because it gives them a grand and glorious feeling. You give them a grand - and they feel glorious.

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.

I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?

I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.

Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce.