An adult western is where the hero still kisses his horse at the end, only now he worries about it.

For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.

Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.

He was such a bad writer, they revoked his poetic license.

It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay.

We inherit a lot from our parents: mom's eyes, dad's chin, and the attitude of whichever parent isn't punishing you at the moment. All of those things we have our mom's to thank for."If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?"