Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.

We inherit a lot from our parents: mom's eyes, dad's chin, and the attitude of whichever parent isn't punishing you at the moment. All of those things we have our mom's to thank for."If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?"

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.

Our local department store had two Santas - one for regular kids and one for kids who wanted ten toys or less.

Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.