I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.

They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.

My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.

In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.

A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!

Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.