I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.

My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you're using it?

My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."

One of those Christmas songs says, "You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout." How's my wife going to get along?

My sister-in-law found a real surprise in her stockings - my brother.