There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.

It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

My sister-in-law found a real surprise in her stockings - my brother.

At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht.

A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.

He was such a bad writer, they revoked his poetic license.

Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together