There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.

One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.

I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.

It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce.

I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair.