Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.

Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.

Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it's the kids who have to do all the work.

I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.

Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?

A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.

When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was my kid for one day!"