At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.

They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"

What an orchestra! They just sit there, but their minds are thousands of miles away with their bookies.

For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.

Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list

A thing of beauty is a job forever.