At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.

Remember when you had your face lifted... and the guy brought it back.

My sister-in-law found a real surprise in her stockings - my brother.

It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry.