This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!

Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot.

When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was my kid for one day!"

Remember when you had your face lifted... and the guy brought it back.

I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife.