This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!

Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot.

Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.

Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.

It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy.

I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.