If you don't want your children to know the truth about life don't send 'em to the theater to see Moms 'cause I'm gonna tell them THE TRUTH, hear?

Anytime you see me with my arms around an old man, I'm holding him for the police.

[On old age:] You wake up one morning and you got it.

If you don't want your children to know the truth about life don't send 'em to the theater to see Moms 'cause I'm gonna tell them THE TRUTH, hear?

[On turning down an invitation to appear for four minutes on the Ed Sullivan Show:] Honey, it takes Moms four minutes just to get on the stage.

Black women, white women- all of them. I'm colorblind. I don't know the difference. I only know you're a human being and you're my children.

Love is like playing checkers. You have to know which man to move.