You know what I want you to do? I want you to blow out the candle and curse the darkness.

Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the difference.

A Yuppie is someone who believes it's courageous to eat in a restaurant that hasn't been reviewed yet.

We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children? Well, she and I were.

New book on Malcolm X says we don't know how he was killed. Want to bring in the FBI. Maybe they were in already.

Everything I tell you is true, but this is factual.

If anybody comes up to you and says, My kid is a conservative - why is that? you say, Remember in the 60′s when we told you if you kept using drugs your kids would be mutants?