I'm not a liberal, I'm a radical!

Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.

Now that Obama is at war in a 3rd country, does that mean he has to give back his Nobel Peace Prize?

My life needs editing.

Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the difference.

If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra. But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women.

I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago. Because when I die, I want to still remain active politically.