Every time the Russians throw an American in jail, the Committee throws an American in jail to get even.

If anybody comes up to you and says, My kid is a conservative - why is that? you say, Remember in the 60′s when we told you if you kept using drugs your kids would be mutants?

Now that Obama is at war in a 3rd country, does that mean he has to give back his Nobel Peace Prize?

I don't believe in good people and bad people. I believe in the better parts of people.

We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children? Well, she and I were.

Nixon's the kind of guy that if you were drowning fifty feet off shore, he'd throw you a thirty foot rope. Then Kissinger would go on TV the next night and say that the President had met you more than half-way.

Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.