We all know that America is the worst country in the world, except for all the others.

There were four million people in the American Colonies and we had Jefferson and Franklin. Now we have over 200 million and the two top guys are Clinton and Dole. What can you draw from this? Darwin was wrong.

Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. If he ran unopposed he would have lost.

If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra. But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women.

If you were the only person left on the planet, I would have to attack you. That's my job.

My life needs editing.

A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.