I made the mistake early in my career, when I moved to Hollywood, of being attracted to actresses. I used to go out exclusively with actresses and other female impersonators.

That feeling of hopelessness only serves your masters.

I took benzedrine - I got clairvoyance. With benzedrine you can have a very wide view of the world, like you can decide the destiny of man and other pressing problems, such as which is the left sock?

There are Russian spies here now. And if we're lucky, they'll steal some of our secrets and they'll be two years behind.

There's so much Botox around now that you can't tell when a Jewish girl is angry!

A conservative doesn't want anything to happen for the first time; a liberal feels it should happen, but not now.

You know what I want you to do? I want you to blow out the candle and curse the darkness.