What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas - except the drone.

Nixon's the kind of guy that if you were drowning fifty feet off shore, he'd throw you a thirty foot rope. Then Kissinger would go on TV the next night and say that the President had met you more than half-way.

In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock. In the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish. In the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black. In the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.

There are Russian spies here now. And if we're lucky, they'll steal some of our secrets and they'll be two years behind.

Obama said he went to Libya because of his conscience. Did anyone ever wrestle with his conscience and lose?

The distance between taking social action and having the knowledge is as wide as the mouth of the Mississippi.

Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.