What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas - except the drone.

Television is never more false than when it's openly sincere.

Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.

I watched Ken Burns' Civil War series on PBS. My favorite segment is when Bob Hope entertains the troops at Gettysburg.

I used to go out with actresses and other female impersonators.

Women want their men to be cops. They want you to punish them and tell them what the limits are. The only thing that women hate worse from a man than being slapped is when you get on your knees and say you're sorry.

I went to computer class with my Dell and I was bullied by a guy with a Mac.