People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.
A political satirist's job is to draw blood. I'm not so much interested in politics as I am in overthrowing the government.
My life needs editing.
The New York Times is the official leak of the State Department.
Television is never more false than when it's openly sincere.
In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock. In the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish. In the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black. In the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.