You know me, I love lost causes.

There are Russian spies here now. And if we're lucky, they'll steal some of our secrets and they'll be two years behind.

Obama says his recreation consists of reading the Constitution... looking for a loophole.

Women want their men to be cops. They want you to punish them and tell them what the limits are. The only thing that women hate worse from a man than being slapped is when you get on your knees and say you're sorry.

Now that Obama is at war in a 3rd country, does that mean he has to give back his Nobel Peace Prize?

I'm not a liberal, I'm a radical!

Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.