Obama said he went to Libya because of his conscience. Did anyone ever wrestle with his conscience and lose?

A conservative doesn't want anything to happen for the first time; a liberal feels it should happen, but not now.

A political satirist's job is to draw blood. I'm not so much interested in politics as I am in overthrowing the government.

I went to computer class with my Dell and I was bullied by a guy with a Mac.

If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra. But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women.

In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock. In the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish. In the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black. In the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.

I never met a man I didn't like until I met Will Rogers.