Most people past college age are not atheists. It's too hard to be in society, for one thing. Because you don't get any days off. And if you're an agnostic you don't know whether you get them off or not.

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.

I found people looked better when they laughed

I never met a man I didn't like until I met Will Rogers.

If you were the only person left on the planet, I would have to attack you. That's my job.

A political satirist's job is to draw blood. I'm not so much interested in politics as I am in overthrowing the government.

The beat generation is a coffeehouse full of people expectantly looking at their watches waiting for the beat generation to come on.