Women want their men to be cops. They want you to punish them and tell them what the limits are. The only thing that women hate worse from a man than being slapped is when you get on your knees and say you're sorry.

My life needs editing.

Bush is the face on the can. But who canned that soup?

A political satirist's job is to draw blood. I'm not so much interested in politics as I am in overthrowing the government.

My whole life is a movie. It's just that there are no dissolves. I have to live every agonizing moment of it. My life needs editing.

I don't think crucifixion is the answer. I believe in the resurrection. I like that part of the story.

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas - except the drone.