Do they give Pulitzers for tweets yet?

My friends who have babies can't do anything. You can't go out at night. Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

For comedians, we're all kind of tweeting our thoughts instead of spending time developing them. You can gauge how good a joke might be by how many times it gets retweeted, but it takes discipline to go back through the tweets and then develop jokes from them.

I grew up as a child actress, not a child star. I was an actress - big difference.

I think how tan a person is, is directly proportionate to how dumb they are.

I wish his music came out of the closet and admit that it sucks.