For comedians, we're all kind of tweeting our thoughts instead of spending time developing them. You can gauge how good a joke might be by how many times it gets retweeted, but it takes discipline to go back through the tweets and then develop jokes from them.

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

Don't be intimidated by my outfit, it's Forever 21.

I love hard punch lines, and I like anything that has a strong point of view.

TLC should stand for Toddlers, Lunatics, and Cake.

Neil Hamburger writes such cutting jokes.

Guys should not be allowed to use the Internet all day long. So sad.