Neil Hamburger writes such cutting jokes.

Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.

Make a sex tape, upload it, get on a reality show, release a perfume, retire. That's the new American dream.

My dream part would be to play Mitt Romney's sarcastic black maid. We could call it 'Mammy & Me.'

The idea that you're supposed to do everything on your own is absurd. You can't.

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

Neil Hamburger writes such cutting jokes.