Familiarity breeds contempt, but without a little familiarity it's impossible to breed anything.

A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy.

It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.

I write at high speed because boredom is bad for my health.

Never trust a man with short legs. His brains are too near his bottom.

We have no reliable guarantee that the afterlife will be any less exasperating than this one, have we?

An infant prodigy of nine is shoved upon the stage in white. She starts off in a dismal whine about a dark and stormy night, a burglar, whose heart is true, despite his wicked-looking face, who puts the little child in doom, to save her mamma's jewel case. This may bring tears to every eye; it does not set my heart on fire. I'd like to stand serenely by and watch that horrid child expire.