You are much happier when you are happy than when you ain't.

All that glitters is sold as gold.

There once was an umpire whose vision Was cause for abuse and derision He remarked in surprise, 'Why pick on my eyes? It's my heart that dictates my decision.'

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

Middle-aged life is merry, and I love to lead it.

The highest form of wisdom is to get drunk and go to pieces. The highest form of wisdom is to get drunk and go to pieces. Candy is dandy But liquor is quicker.

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.