If you are really Master of your Fate, it shouldn't make any difference to you whether Cleopatra or the Bearded Lady is your mate.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

Every new year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?

In the world of mules there are no rules.

One would be in less danger From the wiles of the stranger If one's own kin and kith Were more fun to be with.

How confusing the beams from memory's lamp are; One day a bachelor, the next a grampa. What is the secret of the trick? How did I get so old so quick?