Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.

Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor.

I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.

If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

O money, money, money. I'm not necessarily one of those who think thee holy, but I often stop to wonder how thou canst go out so fast when thou comest in so slowly.

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.