Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

One rule which woe betides the banker who fails to heed it/Never lend any money to anybody unless they don't need it.

The highest form of wisdom is to get drunk and go to pieces. The highest form of wisdom is to get drunk and go to pieces. Candy is dandy But liquor is quicker.

One would be in less danger From the wiles of the stranger If one's own kin and kith Were more fun to be with.

When you're wrong admit it, when you're right, shut up.

How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!