I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

I drink because she nags, she said I nag because he drinks. But if the truth be known to you, He's a lush and she's a shrew.

Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor.

Stuyvesant chats with Kelly and Katz, The professor warms to the broker, And life is good in the brotherhood Of an air-conditioned smoker.

So Columbus said, somebody show me the sunset and somebody did and he set sail for it, And he discovered America and they put him in jail for it, And the fetters gave him welts, And they named America after somebody else.

A lady is known by the product she endorses.