A cough is something that you yourself cant help, but everybody else does on purpose just to torment you.

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

The reason for much matrimony is patrimony.

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave, when they think that their children are naive.

A husband is a man who two minutes after his head touches the pillow is snoring like an overloaded omnibus.

I was born a jackdaw; why should I try to be an owl?

The doctor gets you when you're born, The preacher, when you marry, And the lawyer lurks with costly clerks If too much on you carry. Professional men, they have no cares; Whatever happens, they get theirs.