I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.

Tonight's December thirty-first, something is about to burst. The clock is crouching, dark and small, like a time bomb in the hall. Hark, it's midnight, children dear. Duck! Here comes another year!

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

And you stagger down to break your fast. Greasy bacon and lacquered eggs And coffee composed of frigid dregs.

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.

Indeed, everybody wants to be a wow, But not everybody knows exactly how.

The only incurable troubles of the rich are the troubles that money can't cure, Which is a kind of trouble that is even more troublesome if you are poor.