Then here's to the heartening wassail, Wherever good fellows are found; Be its master instead of its vassal, and order the glasses around.

A cough is something that you yourself cant help, but everybody else does on purpose just to torment you.

There once was an umpire whose vision Was cause for abuse and derision He remarked in surprise, 'Why pick on my eyes? It's my heart that dictates my decision.'

I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.

Remorse is violent dyspepsia of the mind.

Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as legislature.... So people who go to bed to sleep Must count French premiers or sheep, And people who ought to arise from bed Yawn and go back to sleep instead.

I don't care how unkind the things people say about me so long as they don't say them to my face.