Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures -- take them, George, they're yours!

Then here's to the heartening wassail, Wherever good fellows are found; Be its master instead of its vassal, and order the glasses around.

I don't care how unkind the things people say about me so long as they don't say them to my face.

I have an idea that the phrase weaker sex was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm.

To Tom Carlson or his dog-depending on whose taste it best suits.

Maybe I couldn't be dafter, But I keep wondering if this time we settle our differences before a war instead of after.

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.