Some people's money is merited and other people's is inherited.

A husband is a man who two minutes after his head touches the pillow is snoring like an overloaded omnibus.

The further through life I drift the more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift.

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

Stuyvesant chats with Kelly and Katz, The professor warms to the broker, And life is good in the brotherhood Of an air-conditioned smoker.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Humor is hope's companion in arms. It is not brash, it is not cheap, it is not heartless. Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit.