There is something about a martini, Ere the dining and dancing begin, And to tell you the truth, It is not the vermouth- I think that perhaps it's the gin.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

Authors of all races, be they Greeks, Romans, Teutons, or Celts, Can't seem just to say anything is the thing it is but have to go out of their way to say that it is like something else.

When I ponder my mind I consistently find It is glued On food.

A husband is a man who two minutes after his head touches the pillow is snoring like an overloaded omnibus.

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

Indeed, everybody wants to be a wow, But not everybody knows exactly how.