Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.

A cough is something that you yourself cant help, but everybody else does on purpose just to torment you.

There is something about a martini, Ere the dining and dancing begin, And to tell you the truth, It is not the vermouth- I think that perhaps it's the gin.

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

So Columbus said, somebody show me the sunset and somebody did and he set sail for it, And he discovered America and they put him in jail for it, And the fetters gave him welts, And they named America after somebody else.

Some people's money is merited and other people's is inherited.

Certainly there are lots of things in life that money won't buy, but it's very funny- Have you ever tried to buy them without money?