Here lies my past, Goodbye I have kissed it; Thank you kids, I wouldn't have missed it.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Dogs display reluctance and wrath If you try to give them a bath. They bury bones in hideaways And half the time they trot sideaways.

The burnt child, urged by rankling ire, Can hardly wait to get back at the fire.

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

I'm like a backward berry, Unripened on the vine, For all my friends are fifty, And I'm only forty-nine.

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.