Some one invented the telephone, And interrupted a nation's slumbers, Ringing wrong but similar numbers.

A cough is something that you yourself cant help, but everybody else does on purpose just to torment you.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.

One would be in less danger From the wiles of the stranger If one's own kin and kith Were more fun to be with.

Tonight's December thirty-first, something is about to burst. The clock is crouching, dark and small, like a time bomb in the hall. Hark, it's midnight, children dear. Duck! Here comes another year!

There has been a lot of progress during my lifetime, but I'm afraid it's heading in the wrong direction.