The further through life I drift the more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift.

God in His wisdom made the fly And then forgot to tell us why.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as legislature.... So people who go to bed to sleep Must count French premiers or sheep, And people who ought to arise from bed Yawn and go back to sleep instead.

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force.

Here's a good rule of thumb; too clever is dumb.

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.