The further through life I drift the more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift.

The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk.

I have an idea that the phrase weaker sex was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm.

The doctor gets you when you're born, The preacher, when you marry, And the lawyer lurks with costly clerks If too much on you carry. Professional men, they have no cares; Whatever happens, they get theirs.

When you're wrong admit it, when you're right, shut up.

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.

I claim there ain't Another Saint As great as Valentine.