Schizophrenia beats dining alone.
Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.
When I can't sleep, I read a book by Steve Allen.
Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath.
A pun is the lowest form of humor—when you don't think of it first.
When I appeared before the draft board examiner during World War II, he asked me if I thought I could kill. "I don't know about strangers," I replied, "but friends, certainly."