Self-pity - it's the only pity that counts.

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

In some situations I was difficult, in odd moments impossible, in rare moments loathsome, but at my best unapproachably great.

George, if you had to do it all over, would you fall in love with yourself again?

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

When I appeared before the draft board examiner during World War II, he asked me if I thought I could kill. "I don't know about strangers," I replied, "but friends, certainly."

I've given up reading books. I find it takes my mind off myself.