Self-pity - it's the only pity that counts.

You can't possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven's Seventh and go slow. (Oscar trying to talk his way out of a speeding ticket)

[Madame Nhu was] the Sandra Dee of South Vietnam. If I were cast on a desert island with her, I would quickly make friends with the natives.

Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Self-pity - it's the only pity that counts.

I don't drink. I don't like it. It makes me feel good.