I'm a concert pianist, that's a pretentious way of saying I'm unemployed at the moment.
I could never have a mistress, because I couldn't bear to tell the story of my life all over again.
Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath.
I never watch the Dinah Shore show- I'm a diabetic.
I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.
An epigram is only a wisecrack that's played at Carnegie Hall.