I could never have a mistress, because I couldn't bear to tell the story of my life all over again.

I've given up reading books. I find it takes my mind off myself.

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.

Talent's like a baby. Wrap it up in wool and it goes to sleep.

When I can't sleep, I read a book by Steve Allen.

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.